The Endless Cycle of Death and Rebirth

Buddhists have this whole "thing" about reincarnation. The theory is that during your life you accumulate Karma, and then when you die you are so "attached" to the idea of living that you go find a new body. Where and who you end up is based on what your accumulated Karma from the total of your lifetimes thus far.

Personally, I consider myself agnostic, which is Greek for "I think you're just making shit up."

This approach makes it very difficult to study Buddhism. After the "four noble truths" there seems to be a lot of slapped-on bullshit. My answer is to remove the past-life/future-life distractions and just concentrate on the "be here now."

There is a small movement of "Agnostic Buddhism" growing around the teachings of a man named Stephen Batchelor. I understand that Agnostic Buddhism is causing intellectual/emotional difficulty for Buddhists who find it difficult to release themselves from their clinging attachent to reincarnation and religiosity.

I don't feel a need to have died before this life, or be reborn after my upcoming death, whenever it comes. I have had to die and be reborn several times just to get through 40 years of THIS life. That's difficult enough.

I had to die as a youth to become a man, for instance. I died as a civilian to become a young military man. My military self was not stilborn, but unhealthy, and in constant anguish. When I got out I was reborn as sign artist. Eventually that self had to die to concentrate on being a college student, which in itself required several stages of birth and death: art student, film maker, anthropologist, theatre technician... Finally the money ran out, and the student self was unexpectedly killed off. Born again as a carpenter, I was happy for many years. But finally even that man had to die, so I could concentrate on being a stay-at-home parent of two boys, and now a baby girl.

I made my way past all of these challenges without clinging to belief in outside comforts like God, but by believing in my Self. Finally, even that comfort was denied me when I found reason to doubt my internal strength and abilities. When I finally characterized these changes as death and rebirth, I found it oddly comforting. I also found myself trying to be reborn as a new man.

Perhaps others who understand the depths of Buddhism better than I do dismiss this kind of thinking as mere psychotherapy, but it seems to me that perhaps by becoming "The Buddha," Siddhartha Gautama may have missed his own point.

It has always seemed to me that enlightenment must be easy for those who have the abandoned the outside world for the temple or monastery.

Meanwhile, for those of us with spouses, kids, house payments, barking dogs, bills and jobs, awakening to calmly accept the world around one is harder, and yet so much more important.

My personal rebirth this time is going to include another stint with the military, this time as a part-timer, in the National Guard. This rebirth will be painful. I will be facing the challenge of Basic Training and Drill Instructors again, this time as an older and hopefully more mature individual, able to believe in my Self and my ability to live the rest of my life.