Why?

One day I was taking out the garbage. As usual, I had the baby on my hip. My neighbor, John, was driving down the alley, and stopped to say hello. I asked him if it would be okay to put him down as a reference on my National Guard application.

This leads to a pair of obvious questions, "why would you want to join the Army, especially these days," and "Do you believe in the War in Iraq?"

I found it easy to answer the questions glibly and move on. I said "I need to get out of the house and do something useful," and "no." He suggested I join a political campaign or greenpeace or something. John had things to do, and the baby was licking the side-view mirror on his truck, so we parted.

Why would I want to join the Army, especially "these days?"

Do I believe in the war?

These are difficult questions, and frankly, that's what this Blog is all about. My intended readers are my wife and my mom, and they deserve to know. I talk a lot about my thoughts and feeelings, beliefs, things I learn, understandings of the news, stuff like that. But here's where it's supposed to come together in some kind of linear manner.


These Days:

We are a nation at war. Or something like that. Other than the price of gas, the occasional fragment of news, and "support our troops magnets" on the backs of cars, one would hardly know it.

We have soldiers abroad, in Afghanistan and Iraq. They are at war. Our nation, as a whole, is at peace. Driving down the road, going shopping, going to work and school still continues unaffected. The average citizen is unaffected.

We, meaning the Nation, were attacked by terrorists on September 11, 2001. But that was in New York, and on the Pentagon. How does that attack me? I can invoke the rule of Me-To-ism, saying it affected me because I saw it on TV, or it affected me because my stepbrother was in the Pentagon that day. Or I can decide that the attack was on me, as I am an American, and 9/11 was an attack on America in general. Me-to-ism.

Five years later, we have not been attacked again on American soil. Military forces were sent to Afghaninstan to topple the Taliban regime, disrupt al Qaida's operations, and, theoretically, to capture or kill Osama bin Laden.

Then, for some damn reason, we invaded Iraq, toppled Saddam Hussein, and sent a barely functional nation over the edge of chaos.

We were told that Iraq was about preempting terrorists from gaining Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, and preempting Saddam from using nuclear weapons.

Iraq, is seems, had none of those.

What are the threats against the American people today? The price of gas went up to over three dollars a gallon, and has come back down. American servicemen have been sent to go meet the terrorists. Some say, that's to fight them there so we don't have to fight them here.

Hogwash. Nineteen men took over four airplanes, and some people think that was impossible for a bunch of dumb arabs, so it must be a "conspiracy." Other people seem to think that what they did was easy enough that it could happen again. In the interest of keeping the American people safe, little old ladies have to take off their shoes at airport security, and nobody can carry scissors or Leatherman tools on board anymore. And now it's shampoo that's forbidden.

Who is the enemy we fight? Why are we fighting them? What do they want? How do their wants threaten us?

The Hat is Wearing the Man

We are now into September. The kids are back in classes. The plums are ripening nicely, we should have quite the crop. Last year the tree was new and we only had two. Very tasty.

I've been thinking about what to say and in what order. First thing to say is this: Everything is imaginary until proven otherwise.

I turned in my application, a medical questionaire and a copy of my bankruptcy file to the recruiter. He told me at one point that my ASVAB scores were still valid, but he's a puppy, I guess he couldn't fathom how old I really am. I need to retake the ASVAB. So I'm trying to learn algebra. Last time I studied algebra in any manner was junior high. Somehow got out of high school without taking it, and it's one of the holes in my college transcript as well. I haven't heard from him in a while. I've been honest with him about the algebra and my running time. I'll call him again soon and report some progress, find out where the paperwork sits.

I started running this summer, and my time was starting to improve. Then I woke up the morning after my first 4-miler with a sore foot. Self diagnosis with Google images and a knuckle: tendon stress from overwork. Too much, too hard, too soon. So I've been taking it easier. Somewhat. Ice, ibuprophen, massaging the affected tendons and muscles. Bought nice inserts for my running shoes.

PT (physical training) lately consists of going to the gym instead of running on concrete. Thirty minutes of cardio time on an "elliptical" machine, good heart-rate workout without the foot-pounding. Followed by as much weight lifting as I can stand, then a sit in the sauna and a sit in the steam room followed by a cold shower. Very refreshing! I try to go twice a week and work really hard. Three times would be better, but I can't always get out of the house, don't always want to, and some times I'm still sore from the last session for longer than I expect. I need to get any minor overwork injuries and stresses out of the way here, gently, and work back up. Feet, knees, abdominals, shoulder joints . . . sometimes I feel old. But I'm alive, and getting stronger, not sitting around and waiting to die.

Since I'm "prior service" I'll be going to "warrior transition course" rather than "basic combat training." Similar, but with less indoctination and bullshit, I gather. Seems the Army gives us some credit for going through basic once already. But still tough.

The current version of WTC runs like this: ship out to Ft. Sill Oklahoma for reception, uniform issue, medical, etcetera. Sitting on bleachers waiting for stuff to happen a lot, and it can be anything from a couple weeks to over a month, depending on when you ship and when your WTC class starts, and if you have any built-in delays like missing paperwork. Then a bus ride to Santa Fe, New Mexico for PT and classroom time at 7000' for several weeks, then another bus ride to White Sands Missile range, several thousand feet lower for weapons and such, plus the actual PT test.

Or so I've read on the web.

Consider the gentleman in the picure for this entry. He has the perfect hat for sitting in the sun. His robes do not bind or chafe. He has a vest to help him sit in perfect posture. He has a nice mat and cushion on which to sit. He has a begging bowl for people to put money in, paying him to sit and meditate.

Is he enlightened?

I mentioned zen buddhism one time to a fellow who said "All the famous zen buddhists are monks in temples. None of them have to find enlightenment with a wife, kids, dogs, mortgages and car payments." And yet, who needs to master acceptance? Who needs to find clarity of mind, abandononment of self, letting go of desire? Those of us who need it most find it the hardest to achieve. Maybe once in a while we sit on the floor in the bedroom and stare at a blob of cat hair for a few minutes trying not to think about the vacuum cleaner.

Running is good meditation. Like the man in the hat, it's very self centered, but requires patience, dedication and acceptance. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. You are not breathing for anyone else, and no one can breath for you. Count footsteps if you must. Head up, hips forward, hands relaxed, eyes down at a 45 degree angle, yet maintain total awareness of environment.

I could never go up the mountain and hang out with the Buddhists at a retreat. Costs too much, gains too little, seems too silly. It's an easy path to easy enlightenment. Does it last? I doubt it, easy things never do.

Drill Sergeants, marching, waking up at 4:20am, marching with helmet, pack and body armor. That's a difficult path. Am I strong enough? Am I dedicated enough? Can I let go of desire and abandon my attachments to my "Self" long enough to succeed?